World Paranormal Review

More in Heaven and Earth

Flesh Gordon's Scrap Book

Ladies and Gentlemen, for the first time anywhere, we are proud to present Flesh Gordon's Scrapbook! These photographs were found encoded in a crystal memory wafer in Mr. Gordon’s amazing Strato-Ship! While Mr. Gordon at first denied any knowledge of the contents of the memory wafer, as these images were displayed Mr. Gordon began to offer the most captivating and detailed commentary! Excerpts from that commentary that are both relevant and repeatable in a family publication are included below. This publication thanks Mister Gordon for sharing this with us, and also extends its thanks to the Flesh Gordon Foundation. The reader should note that not all of Mr.Gordon's claims have been verified by this organization.

  "This little cutie? I think I remember her. The Arch-seer Vipsania. Had this weird mind-tickle thing she could do. Beautiful girl."
 "Maria Nacht! Look, I was drunk, and I don't want to talk about it."
 
  "These two? Well, the dude I remember. Vrill Balmsley. Played a mean sax. Must have been the increased lung capacity. Spent about six weeks with him in a band out on Anteres IV. Wild times. He used to tell all the girls that he was King of the Eagle Men. They dug that. The girl? Can't really recall. Some space chick that Vrill hung with. I think she ended up going off and marrying some scientist. Good guy, had an amazing stereo system."
  "Oh man, the clone pits. I don't even want to go into it. Anyone who thinks that woman deserves to rule a thousand universes should spend a few hours looking at how those clone soldiers of hers are treated. You'll never believe me."


  "Hey, it's Jessie! Jessianica the Battle Queen, this that and the other. Never could remember the whole name. A wonderful woman. Helped me fight the Space Pirates of Syrion. Ended up shooting me twice in the leg and once in the arm, then threw me off her ship. Can't recall why."

  "Wind Carts! Must have taken that shot on Fridgidia! Strange place. Fuel is super hard to come by, so the natives build these groovy underground igloo things, filled with ropes and wheels to work the generators. Since theres no fuel, you all strip down, then one person straps themselves into the apperatus, and the others help ... [73 words deleted], so frostbite is never a danger."


  "Pallen the Space Witch! God, she could do this thing" CENSORED
  "Pallen again. Man, she was a beauty. I really thought we had something, you know? Then she started feeding the Pygion People into that weird Orgone Energy machine of hers and I had to try and stop her. She blew up two space stations and a small moon trying to catch me. I still think of her every time something explodes."
  "Tormenta. Gosh, I haven't seen her in years. We met when she was trying to take over some country. Paraguay? Anyway, a fine person in all ways. Really nice. Her career got in the way though. I think she shot me with a lightning bolt and knocked me off the side of a hydroelectric dam and into a river. Tough lady."
  "Her? Beachcomber. A fine, fine woman. Speaks seven languages, and likes to do ikebana. She tried to kill me with a forklift."
  Dan's Devas? Oh heck, I remember them. Those were some deeply strange ladies. Wild. You know Dan? Steroid guy who learned how to make this funky drug, gave normal folks all kinds of enhanced powers. Or blew them up. Never could tell. I remember this one time I was doing squats in Gold's Venice, when this kid at the next cage, couldn't have been more than seventeen, started getting this incredible bump in his glutes. Damn, it looked good. Anyway, rep after rep, set after set, you could see his glutes getting huge! Then, they exploded. Blood all over the equipment. Bummer. Anyway, he was one of Dan's."

"What? The Devas? Sure, I remember. That was when Dan was trying to go legit, so he decided to make a super team for Fresno. They didn't have one then. He found this gang of girls who were willing to sign wavers, tested em, then pumped them up with the Juice. They did well for a couple of months. I liked them. Then they started freaking out and things went sour."

"This one? Kick-Dancer. Incredible power in those legs. She's the only one of the Deva's that stayed sane. Ended up heroing out in Montana last I heard."

  "Astarian. Wow. Heh. You know, she once threw me off of the Tower of London. We tried going out again a few times after that, but it was never the same."
  "Little Lotus Blossom. Had these wind powers she picked up along with the strength that all of Dan's girls had. Ended up in Stronghold after she threw a gasoline truck at Firewing right over Primus Tower. Well, where Primus Tower used to be. Nice girl though."

 
"Sue Strong. Used to hero it up with the Arizona Seven. OK, I made a poor choice from a certain point of view, but she was a smart woman and I was looking for a change. The restraining order is still in force."
  "Lava Urn. She had pyrokinetic tricks she could do. Really a sweet, shy girl, even after the Juice. We went out a few times. She liked to do this thing where she'd set little fires then giggle while people ran around trying to put them out. Now that I think about it, that was a bad sign. Anyway, she's on the run now, somewhere up in Canada I think. Freaked out on the Larry King show and ended up torching a camera man. She still writes. Threats, mostly."

  "Blue Stream. Sad to see his pic here. He was one of my partners in the Beach Patrol until some corporation sued him for copyright infringement over the name. They had no case either; he had that name first. Anyway, he got really freaked out about it. Ended up drowning two lawyers and smashing up an office building. I think he's out in Barbados now."

"Her I remember. Verita Dementos. Taught Pharmacological Self Defense at Space City Gamma University. Cool lady."

"Cloning chambers again. OK, they weren't all bad. Still plenty creepy."

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